I collapse to the floor and mourn. Grief has come to forever intrude on my life. The hours, days, months, and years pass and yet I do not perceive them, I am stuck in that dreadful moment when I lost you.
Grief, the visitor who never leaves, inserts itself into every aspect of my life. It shadows me like an impending storm…I feel it. I hear it. I see it and it overtakes me. It dulls every happy moment. I am ravished by it’s unending depth of sorrow…again…and again, until all I want is to die and end this aching of my heart.
There is a confounding complexity to Grief and Time:
Grief… you are both joy and sorrow to me for without love there would be no grief and I am eternally thankful to have known this love.
Time… I fear only what you might take away from me, I want to remember every memory as if it were made today. Yet time is the only thing that draws me closer to when I will see you again.
Grief, I stand in the path of your devastation, sometimes unable to move, many times not knowing how to pickup the pieces, valiantly you have tried to conquer me and you almost succeed.
Grief, I make a resolve, your lessons are cruel but I choose to walk with you. I do not fear you. You will not make my heart cold. I will not be isolated in my grief. And, as with an impending storm, I choose to be prepared for the despair you will forever shower on me.
I will smile through you.
I will joy through you.
And, by God’s grace, I will live through you.